"Someday's gonna be a busy day..."

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Excercise - good for you, bad for your marriage

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. I like the New Year as it is: fresh and clean, with no mistakes in it. Why stain the shine of 2012 with forced incentives and promises I know I'll never keep? That's right, people: I am a New Year's scrooge. Give me the champers and the parties; keep your lousy resolutions to yourself.

Exercise, writing, not screaming at the kids, being outdoors more - these are things I strive to do no matter if it's January 1st or November 2nd. I have learned, however, that one's goals, no matter how inviting to others, are best attempted oneself.

Take exercising. D and I decided to attempt a twice-weekly, 30 minute workout that I ripped out of a magazine. I thought it would be fun if we did it together afer the kids went to bed. You know, turn on the hockey game, take off a few layers, get sweaty. As a couple. Kind of a workout-slash-foreplay sort of evening.

This, dear reader, is the result:

Me: Okay, are you ready to do this?
D: I'm too full from dinner.
Me: DWAIN! Get your arse in here and let's do this!
D: Okay. (Looks around) I think this is going to wreck the living room floor.
Me: We are not THAT fat. (surveys her husband's orange crocs) I think you should put on some running shoes. You're gonna hurt your knees.
D: I don't know where they are.
Me: Dude, seriously???
D: Okay, I'll go look. (Leaves for 10 minutes. Returns with an old pair from 1997 with no laces) I couldn't find my good ones.
Me: For *&%$#@ sake. Let's go let's GO LET'S GO! Do you want to do this or what?
D: I'm too fat. I don't wanna. (starts flopping around like a preschooler) Don't make me!
(I leap on him in a fit of rage. A wrestling match ensues. He squeals like a girl)
Me: Okay, just forget it. I'm doing this with or without you. (Commences workout squats) 1 - 2 - 3 -4
D: (starts doing jumping squats) 25, 26, 39, 100. Done!

I wanted to kill him. And today I want to kill myself, I'm so sore. And I've learned an important lesson: couples that lounge together, stay together!


justin said...

Good to see that you're back. Wishing you a Happy New Year.

My favourite exercise?
Mind games. :)

tanzi said...

Well, the wrestling could be a work out. I can think of another thing, too...

Bernard said...

Hi Kimber,
I noticed that you have left a nice comment on Mrs Successful's blog and I thought you might wish (sadly) to know that her hubby is very poorly and this is why she is not blogging at the moment.
Kind regards from her blog pal Bernard.