"Someday's gonna be a busy day..."

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Worst. Haircut. Ever.

I don't consider myself an especially vain person, but c'mon - everyone has something about themselves that they just don't dig. I bet even Aishwarya Rai (purportedly the most beautiful woman in the world) wakes up some mornings and says, "Ugh, look at my perfect eyes. They are just too perfect."

For me, it's my hair. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been satisfied with the cut, style and/or colour. It's baby-fine. It's naturally mouse-coloured. It's limp. To combat these shortcomings, my signature style is two pigtails, which is cute and all, but probably not the best look for someone approaching the big four-oh.

Add the hormonally induced baldness, and I've got myself one annoying hairdo. So I did what any woman does when faced with the ego-slashing horror of bad hair: I made an appointment to get it cut.

My beloved stylist - the only guy who can make me like my hair for at least 24 hours - is in Waterloo. Waterloo may as well be 1000km away these days. Which caused me to act rather rashly, book an appointment with a stylist in the Kink that I didn't know - the first stylist available - and go without any clear idea of what I wanted her to do. Dumb, dumb and dumber.

When she asked the question that all stylists ask ("So what are we doing today?"), I shrugged, explained my issues and said those five fatal words: "Just do whatever you think." I should have known I was doomed when she chirped, "Oh, you're going to be a great client. I love how you don't care what I do with your hair!"

In all fairness, she was very sweet, and did hunt through a magazine for some ideas. She stopped at a photo of someone named Mandy Moore, who had a cute, scruffy little cut that looked easy to work with. Sure, I said. Go for it.

Half an hour later, I looked up from my gossip rag to see that I had been transmogrified from a sort of cute, kinda hip, still youngish pig-tail mum to a 1980's, no-nonsense Wal-mart mop-head Mom. With a capital M. Holy. Crap.

"What do you think?" asked perky stylist. I nodded and manufactured a smile that hurt my face. I told her it was very....nice. Inside, I was screaming "AUGH! AUGH! AUUGHHHHH!" (Which is Dunstan for HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP MY HUSBAND WILL NEVER KISS ME AGAIN!!)

All of this is my own fault. I do not blame Miss Perky Stylist. I was desperate, I acted desperately and now I have to live with the desperate consequences: Worst Haircut Ever. Thankfully, said haircut will grow out eventually. Unless I snap and shave the rest of it off with D's beard trimmer.

And no, you can't see a picture of it!


tanzi said...

I liked the pics I saw! You need to add one to your blog to make it official. I can't believe you didn't know who Mandy Moore was. You ARE old. Ha!

Biddie said...

I wanna see pics, too!
Remember when we were kids my parents would send me to George. He only had one style for boys, girls, men, women - everyone. Mikey and I had the exact same 'style.' People actually thought that we were twins.
Kayla found a pic of me with a George cut and my coke bottle glasses.
Shawn saw it and he STILL kisses me!
Mind you, he has terrible eyesight :)
Don't worry, it will grow out..Eventually.

Susan said...

Rats, I was going to ask for a picture! I will be seeing you Monday night, right?

I remember making the same fatal mistake years ago, during the punk rock peak. I came out with a rather uniform cut, with my hair about an inch long front to back and side to side. NOT good when one has a roundish face! Or when one is singing in a strange church on the following Sunday!
Needless to say, you only make that fatal mistake once!

Kimber said...

NO PHOTOS gals. That would make the horror all too real.

Ah, George. I do remember him, Bid! Thank heavens we don't have to wear hideous glasses these days, eh?

Susan...I'm wearing a hat Monday. So there. (0:

Gingham Skies said...

I'm sure it's not that bad... let us see so we can laugh... I mean judge... I mean reassure you it's all good. ;)

Seriously I can't imagine you looking anything but beautiful - bad hair or not. :)

Lois said...

Kim, colour your hair....platinum blond...purple with gold tips or put in orangish red and neon green hightlights. Trust me nobody will even notice the cut.